claire's Journal

11:08PM

hey i know i just wrote a lot, but i've also moved!  it's just easier.

1:08PM - p.s.

oh, hey, also...last week, when i was procrastinating from doing something, probably sales, i nerded out and overhauled my flickr page.   if you read this, you're probably in at least one of the pictures.   i put up some old photos that predated the digitial camera...including those from stefanie and tyler's wedding.  (no, really, i meant to wait that long.  it's, like, an anniverary present.   a really cheap, half-assed anniversary present.)

speaking of, congrats to those two!   i know it's not all roses and vegan cupcakes, but you are an inspiring couple and amazing friends. 

12:54PM - quick fix

happy fourth.

wine and cheese was fun, if not as well-attended as expected  (i guess the unprecedented success of the last birthday bash, and the affirmative rsvps of several people heightened my expectations.).   whatevs, that's how it always goes.  it was still a good time, and shockingly fun to play hostess.  (don't worry, i'm not going to start cooking or anything.)  and the leftovers are a thing of dangerous beauty.  (costco, holla!)  went out afterwards, to surprisingly no ill effect, except the knowledge that i went to schoolyard tavern voluntarily.  historically, i’ve had unusually, remarkably bad times there.   last night didn’t sink to that level, but i was bored as hell, notwithstanding my friends’ commentary.   and a little jealous, as i watched the arbitrary pairings and flirtations going on around me.  there’s a part of me that wishes i could do that, that i could go out to these generic watering holes and somehow automatically take some interest in the first dude i see, to be that efficient with the hook-up process, to be that superficial.  it would be so, so much easier.  that’s a really small part of me though.

7:11PM - AIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!

after hearing rumours, i visited the empty bottle website and IT IS TRUE: 

"MON. 7/10/06 (9:00pm; Free!)
A 'Yacht Rock' film screeening: The Complete Series related: Channel 101
Soft As Fuck DJs
Another of our ‘free Monday’ shows, this highly anticipated offering will feature a complete screening of the brilliant Yacht Rock television series. This serial examines the ‘soft rock’ era of the seventies, recreating it in all its dramatic, excessive glory, offering up a gripping, hilarious ‘behind the scenes’ narrative that exposes the intersections and motivations of the DOOBIE BROTHERS, LOGGINS & MESSINA, STEELY DAN and others. (For a point of reference, think perhaps of a serialized Mr. Show skit, with the requisite enthusiastic earnestness and cheapo props?) Director and writer JD RYZNAR will be on hand to introduce the series and will then be available for commentary and questions at the conclusion of the screening. SOFT AS FUCK DJS will spin through out and – again – this event is free."
 
i don't care where you live or what you have going on, you'd better be there.

also, chicagoans:  tommorrow night, you know what's up.  wine and cheese at casa clairita!

2:44PM - be easy

it is spectacular outside.  the roomie, and all other sane people in chicago, have left to go see ghostface et al. at intonation fest, and here i am:  stuck at this desk, making the uniform commercial code my bitch.  but it has to be done.  i had a major reality check on thursday when i did the math and realized that although we are barely a third of the way into the class, the final is in a month.  and my weeks and weekends are only going to get busier.  

the shedd party was lovely.  due to some sort of mixup, we did not get to see the reef, but we saw just about everything else--chamelons, komodos, dolphins, and otters--while munching on cheese puffs and crudites.  the fireworks were good, but insubstantial due to the commanding presence of the elegant, sparkling downtown skyline.  even better was the conversation i had with my boss, who had a number of encouraging things to say about my future employment (read:  my future employment THERE, after graduation), and his vision for the firm.  it was pretty sweet, and he has a lot of great ideas (not least of which, hiring me).  let's hope he wasn't too drunk to remember any of it.   

chicagoans:  july 3, it's all happening.

10:57PM - sharks and birds

so, the internet has been fixed for a long time.  i have just been busy/lazy.   i've been going running again, which tends to cut into my evenings and keep me from completing any of the tasks on my frightening to-do list or writing anything here.  i've also got a pretty bad case of world cup fever.   i came back from my trek today with the intent of being productive, but was willingly distracted by an im from jess, who forwarded me her evening's work.   jess's boyfriend likes sharks, and was upset to hear that a certain restaurant chain added them to their menu.  it goes without saying that they do not live in decatur and do not have kids.  bonus points for the intentional syntax errors.  this is why she is my best friend.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Jun 20, 2006 10:19 PM
Subject: Mako Shark - please remove
To: joekadow@outback.com

3:53PM - !

still alive, still internet-less, totally stressed.  increased esteem among the partners = increased reponsibility = increased deadlines.  that said, 2/3 of that equation is obviously incredibly positive.  i wouldn't complain at all if i didn't have, like, 70 pages to read for sales tonight.  but it's ok because the last several days have been really fun, owing to my good pal jason being in town.  with more fun--a last-minute surprise concert (thanks, christine!) and an office drinking/beanbag toss competition--on the immediate horizon.  (yeah, you read that right.  apparently the firm will also be sponsoring whirlyball sometime soon.  i love this place.)  even if i've totally sabotaged it with school, it's still summer vacation as far as i'm concerned.

2:49PM - public service announcement

my friend christine has an extra ticket to the walkmen tonight.  i am superexcited, as this workweek has been an epic throwdown of research and analysis.  there was a lot of money involved and not much time.  anyway,  i don’t understand why so much haterade has been poured on this new walkmen album; i’m really digging it.  which is funny, as i had not really been all that into them lately.  some of the stuff from the last album was starting to sound a bit samey to me.  that said, aside from "louisana" (and then, only parts of it), this new one is not the radical departure others have made it out to be, but there are some differences.  maybe it’s ignorance talking, but i’m not hearing any more dylan-aping than before;  i think he’s still just rasping and straining in the way we’ve come to know and love (jessica hopper described it in the this week’s reader as ‘rod stewart being fed to the lions’).  but i’m liking the new percussiveness, and the cathartic bash-and-crash of “tenley-town” is just plain awesome.  my only complaint is the cover of tourmates mazarin’s “another one goes by,” randomly tacked on the end.  it’s dece, but positively leaden in comparison to the original.  don’t mess with a good thing, especially one recorded, like, a year ago.   

that’s probably it for a while.  my home internet has been screwy lately.  it’s a shame, i know-i haven’t even seen the new yacht rock yet!  this is total dl work-blogging, borne of necessity;  i find that if i go too many days lately, i get the twitch.  it’s just too bad you have to miss out on all the bizarre anecdotes, record reviews and emo soliloquies that you have come to expect from this exciting website.  maybe this weekend.

1:59PM - when i get some money, imma buy me some time

i just discovered that i have way more black sabbath on my computer than i realized.  that makes me happy, although it might be more of an ida kind of afternoon.   ditto the apparent reanimation of theo the fish;  i'm sure that i'm totally fucking with its ecosystem while ali is away.   i am not so happy to be stuck here doing research for work.   ms. hanna was right:  some things are even less entertaining than a linoleum floor.   but time pressures notwithstanding, it was my choice, resulting in equal measure from irrational guilt from taking several weeks off for finals, and a very rational desire to get paid.   it's not that i mind staying home;  i'm content to fly under the radar today.   the last several months could be charitably described as a bit of a bender, and it's become a sort of unintentional tradition that i stay home on holiday weekends.    but there is so much reading that i've set aside:   division street: america, where i was from, stay free!, the economist, and the poor, beleaguered master and margarita.   i'm not trying to floss cultural bling;  to the contrary, these are all things that i have NOT read, or finished (the magazines, even!).   i just want to maintain a connection with the rest of the world before the summer kicks in and it's all article two and judicial c.v.'s.   don't even get me started on movies.

5:51PM - spent

wow, i'm tired.  but happy.  i think i will make this a mellow weekend, gigantic work project aside.  for now, i only have energy to say that it was awesome to have julie, lindsay and sarah visit and direct you to these photos which prove that i am not making this month up.

(UPDATE:  i just stole a bunch from julie.)

and, hey, how great is that mission of burma album?  (it's not rhetorical.  the correct answer is "super-awesome.")   i can only hope that thirty years from now i keep it as real as these guys, and look as beautiful as my mother.

now = pizza + bbc world news.  that's about all that i can handle.

1:47AM - back home/back from home

+:

• female bro-downs with a couple of my oldest friends.
• holly, waitress at town topic, one of the wisest persons i have met in a long time.
• holly, my brother's girlfriend--so sharp, and so cute, and such a perfect complement to jack.
• ku graduation:  totally more informal and irreverant than northwestern.  also pretty tacky at times (miller lite dudes, i'm looking at you), but still, full of goodwill.
• my family, obviously.   
• my dad's "anal glaucoma" joke (more hilarious, and less disgusting, than that description would belie).
• "supergroup" on vh1.   trust me.
• meat.
• me + new camera  = mad flickration.

-: 

• getting the worst sunburn of my adult life.
• entering my parents' house and expecting to see my dog, before remembering.
• walking to the university stadium and seeing picketers from the cult of fred phelps.  beyond the trademark homophobia ("ku/gay u", and of course, "god hates fags"), there was also a truly evil, distorted, apocalyse-worshipping form of quasi-christianity on display ("thank god for 9/11,"  "god hates america", i think there was even a sign reading "god is the enemy."(!?)).  there's nothing quite so disheartening, this side of the sudan, anyway, as seeing a 9-year old hold a sign reading, "thank god for maimed soldiers."   more than anything in the world, i wish i was making this up.  
  
  
  
  
  
  

6:54AM - damnit

i am in such great pain right now.  and the irony is, i was just thinking the other day about how maybe i'd finally shed my rep for being "accident prone", finally outgrown it or outsmarted it or whatever.  yeah, right.  i will be this way forever, when i'm old, spilling my can of ensure and tripping over myself on the way to the television, from which ryan seacrest's cryogenically preserved face will mock me, smiling.

5:41PM - in other news

it is on.  hopefully.

2:45PM - sometimes a pony gets depressed

i really need to finish this accursed paper, but fuck it.    i coordinated a lunch today for my girl tara, who is going off to georgia for the summer.   (stuart--not bear, although she too is leaving--for good--in a matter of days, which freaks me out in no small meaure.)  she's leaving after her final this afternoon and starts work wednesday-it’s pretty heavy.   especially given the fact that she is a proud parent of a not-quite-toddler and is editor-in-chief of ripl.  so i was extremely grateful to see her and give her a proper send-off.   but that also meant gritting my teeth through conversation with other friends, who are nice and who are cool, but to whom i just can’t relate that much any more.   i was the only one there not doing a corporate associateship, not preoccupied with this or that resume-builder, riding the smalltalk until the obligatory, awkward, “so…wait, what are you doing again, claire?”   much as this journal may give appearances to the contrary, i’m not just here to party.  i don’t want to waste my potential, and i don’t want to live in a cardboard box.  and i’m pretty comfortable with the fact that don’t want most of what those kids want, that i want to give my time and brainpower to endeavors that i actually care about and have a life outside the 9-to-5 (or rather, 8-to-8, this is the legal world we're talking about).   but i’m still socialized enough to feel a twinge of inadequacy about it every now and again.   (while we're at it:  why wasn’t i in the running for the one remotely prestigious thing that i did care about this year?   i know i don’t interview that well, but i didn’t even get a chance to prove that.)   but beyond that, i just hate being left with the feeling that everything is political, including friendships.   fucking law school.   i love it, but it's put my value system through the wringer.  

related:  not like it isn't obvious, but i hit the tipping point for caring about finals on, like, saturday.

unrelated:  i'm obsessed with these guys again.   happens every year.

12:53PM - 12 p.m. today, 12 a.m. yesterday

this morning, on my way to get coffee, i was approached by a scrappy, skinny kid asking me if i liked underground hip-hop.   i had been vaguely aware of his presence for the past couple of days, had heard the question asked of others as i ran to the train.  but today, he was talking to me.   i'm usually immune to the pitch, used to the, "yo, man, i'm a producer, man," from the enyce-clad hustlers on the train.  but this kid, "calloway," in his dirty, decidedly unfashionable coat, didn't seem to be in in for the money, wasn't going for the hard sell.  he claimed influences of talib kweli and krs-one, and, i'm sure, sounds like neither.   christ, the cd-rs he was selling weren't even in sleeves.  of course i bought one.   his eyes lit up, and he pointed to the web address scrawled on the scratch paper which enveloped the disc:  "if you have the time to write even one sentence, just 'i like this song,' or 'i don't like this song,'  that would be so great."  i couldn't help it.  he was so earnest, standing outside of damen el, ground zero for cool indifference, the belly of the beast.  i can't hate on that.  i'll let you know how it sounds.

in that spirit, here is one of my favorite songs of all time.

finals studying is continuing apace.  i only almost shut down the library last night, in contrast with the last several.  i wanted to make an appearance at my roommate's birthday bash and i needed a break.  i'm glad i did.  i know i've said it before, and i can't pinpoint exactly how or when this transformation took place, but i enjoy parties, enjoy "mingling" even.  like everyone else, i have my anxieties, my psychological cache of imagined slights and embarrassments that prevents me from taking on new experiences.   i guess these days i'm realizing that they're usually just that--imagined--and that pretty much everyone feels as random as you do.  true to form, while i worried for a split second that i wouldn't know anybody, that was of course the best part about the evening.  and, every time i introduced myself to someone, i was greeted with, "oh, you're CLAIRE?  it's so nice to meet you!  you guys, this is claire!"  which was funny, and gratifying.  while i'm friends with ali, we both lead such busy, separate lives that i presumed my existence had only been mentioned to others in passing.   i had a couple beers.  i discussed chinese architecture contracts, law school (of course), kansas citian rock bands (with one of the bouncers, who was sporting a life and times t-shirt), and shuffleplay vs. the album format.  i went home and read myself to sleep.  it was nice.

11:49AM - i believe anita hill

sadly, the only thing surprising about this is the fact that somebody at usa today engaged in serious journalism.   coincidentally enough, "youth against fascism" came on my shuffle a few minutes ago.   it seems quaint, so painfully quaint, now that it was directed at bush SENIOR.  

now i must study like it's going out of style.

12:59PM - no complaints

i have no motivation today. i am still rocking pajamas, writing emails, killing time until the fast-talking, indie-rocking gilmore girls finale this evening. that's fine, though, as i was taking a con law final less than 18 hours ago. man, i didn't fuck around with that one. i was out of there at, like, 8:05. there was just nothing more to say. bonus: this makes two exams in a row in without the pirate proctor!* i've had to deal with that crazy fucker, and his whacked-out, megalomaniac ranting,** at almost every exam i've taken in my law school career. if i can go three-for-three, i will be so relieved. of course i probably completely jinxed myself the moment i wrote that.
i think i need to go for a run.


* so named for his eyepatch. yeah, i know.

** examples: "you're not the judge! I'M the judge!" and "move it! these aren't christmas presents!" (the latter directed at his mousy, paper-distributing colleague)

7:24PM - john o'connor, righteously indignant

when my dad is right, he is right. too bad i was taking a worthless professional responsibility exam instead of observing what had to have been a killer take-down.

"Claire, I hoped you got an opportunity to see Ray Mcgovern's exchange with Donald Rumsfeld today. He quoted him to himself and was correct. The cracks in this deceitful dike are beginning to show. You can only fool the people part of the time, not all the time. Now we need to talk to Cheney, Wolfewitz, Rice and Bush. They are very good at controlling their political appearances, but when they have to stand and answer for their actions in real dialogue with real give and take they don't do very well. Love Dad."

incidentally, while i didn't think i would feel this way, i think i like evening exams. today i got up at my leisure, puttered around the house, criss-crossed wicker park in order to enjoy the weather and snag a pair of shoes for jack's graduation (both goals were achieved), and STILL had two and a half hours to review for my test. which wasn't so bad after all.

11:21PM - post-tipsy

woohoo!  prof. butler's belated junk-auction for fair housing scholarships went well.  i think i managed to snag the jewel of the evening.   dudes, i got a figurine of motherfucking "bill" from motherfucking schoolhouse rock.  i felt a little bad because i had to bid loren tooth and nail, but i think that the person who wanted it most won. i don't even want to think about how much it could go for on ebay, because it is staying on my mantel FOREVER.

despite the looming shadow of exams, it was just a good night anyway. one of my good friends is ecstatically happy, which makes me ecstatically happy.   it took a while to get home, but when i went past pontiac cafe, they were playing the best song from the worst sloan album, which is still cool enough in my book.

product of obsessive myspace bulletin-checking #9999989:   crossword puzzles and jon stewart and MY FAVORITE DEVIN DAVIS SONG???  sign me up.  when finals are over.   (related note:  over the last few months, i have run into him twice in my stomping grounds.  once because he was on my bus, but i was zonked from work and the crying children surrounding me and wasn't sure if it was him.  once more because i was running late and he was using an atm and i didn't want to bother him.  this is incredibly lame, because i get the impression that he is the sort of guy who would WANT to be bothered with praise for his amazing pop songs.  oh well.  things happen in threes--i'll do better next time.)

9:17AM - stephen colbert = true patriot

so, despite the fact that i need to study, study, study before i have to go to the effing weber grill restaurant for a lunch meeting (yeah, i said, "lunch meeting."  hi, i'm old.)  i have to pause and direct you to watch THIS.  i'm sure that half of you reading this have already heard about it, or seen excerpts, but nothing compares to watching the whole damn thing unfold.  bear in mind that the president was two seats away the whole time.  brass balls, man.  dude was on a mission, sparing no one, knowing that few would or could laugh.  what's best/worst are all the pans of the crowd, mouths agape, eyeing eachother nervously.   because  the c-span camerapersons, that was the best they could do.